Puzzled but willing

My jeremiad life is full of pain and a constant struggle
And I am disconsolate with my yen to solve this puzzle
This situation leaves me with a brackish taste
Because I should be successful and not a waste
My mind is way worn because my stasis is off
So I continue to parse and decide what I should doff
Am I being punished for my actions of being refractory
How I long for this trial to pass and become a distant memory
I have experienced a fraction of what it is like to succeed
Please, no longer hold back my blessings, Lord, I plead
It feels like my life is a plateful of failure
Seasoned with very little pleasure
While not fully encountering my heart's desire
So if you’ve ever accomplished a dream it is you I admire
I am over qualified in all that I do
But blessings skip me and is given to you, you, and you
My emotions seems like God plays with
And the blessings He has for me feels increasingly more like a myth
Although I don’t understand my situation, I know I’ve been blessed more then others
However this storm is long and is tough to weather
I refuse to prolong this tough process by being discomfit
Lord I want to be biddable and show that I will never drift
So whatever it is You want me to do and or go through
Know I will do it willingly, just to show you, how much I truly love you