Category: Illusion

11/16/2018

IS THERE ANOTHER LOVE LANGUAGE?

Read Now

I have been asked a number of times what is my love language? Every time I respond by saying, I don’t know. The first time I heard the question I was like huh, what are you talking about? I didn’t take much stock into it after it was explained to me. It sounded selfish to me. If I don’t speak your language that means I don’t love you and you will love me more if I talk your language. How does that mindset help a relationship become and stay strong? Although I noticed the negatives of this concept, I saw how this concept benefited relationships as well. You have to learn how to communicate with whom you’ve decided to love. As the years went by I tried to show love through the languages, but I never cared to figure what my love language was. I finally decided to take the test after numerous times of being asked, what’s your love language? I sat down, went to the link, started to take the test and couldn’t finish. I couldn’t relate to any of the questions. I tried to have an open mind, but having to pick one action over another is something that I couldn’t do. It seemed selfish and as long as I am being shown love I am happy. I am simple and I am able to translate all the languages of love. If you love me you will show it, and I am not concerned with which language you choose to speak. For me love isn’t about how someone shows their love, it’s all about when they decide to show it.

Anyone can show love but the question for me is will they show it when they should? It is easy to love some one during the good times. It’s easy to communicate to someone when everyone is happy with each other. You shouldn’t have any problems or question anyone loving you during those summer like days. But what about the rainy days or the winter months when times are tough and dark? The times when it looks like things won't be get better anytime soon. Will you choose the easy road and leave rather then fight together and grind it out. What language will you speak when you don’t want to talk? Will communication occur or will someone shut down?

How about when no one is looking? Are you showing love to the one you love when they are not around? Are they taking your feelings into account? Are they making you number one, when they do not have to? When you don’t have to show love, and nobody is looking, will you decide to not be selfish for the sake of the person you love? Are you doing your part to make sure you do not sabotage the relationship? Some storms do not have to occur because the correct decisions were made early on. Decisions that are made with love allows storms to be limited from within a relationship because sabotage is avoided.

Acts of Service is the closest language that best relates to this ideal but the definition doesn’t not necessarily support these thoughts. The 5 Love Languages from what I can tell does not discuss adversity and for me love is all about how you deal with adversity TOGETHER.

You can be upset, mad, or hurt and still not disrespect or hurt your loved one during those moments. I have never called anyone a b@#$h, said f%$k you or got disrespectful when I have been upset with someone I truly loved. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t feel those words at the tip of my tongue or thought about things to say to hurt someone but I was conscience enough to make sure I didn’t. I showed emotion but I did not allow myself to be drowned by my emotions. My mom showed me how and why this was important even though she may not have known she was doing it (that's a deeper story for another time).

Loving During Adversity is most important to me. I don’t care how you say it, but scream it when we are in the middle of a conflict. Better yet were able to avoid a conflict because you didn't let your emotions get the best of you. When you are emotional and placed with the decision to choose me or another option that could ruin or end our relationship, choose me. When you are upset get my attention, speak one of the 5 languages or all the ones I will allow you to express. Show me our relationship is the priority. For me and some of us out here, once you commit, we’ve decided to commit COMMIT. There is no question and doubt involved any longer about being with anyone else. There is no plan B, no looking at the grass on the other side or deciding to leave. When two people have decided to commit and respect each other for life there is no obstacle that can get in between them. It now is all about making adjustments to ensure the relationship stays strong and lasts forever (this is where the 5 Love Languages can be applied).

This is how I show my love and what I look for in love. I don’t have a love language because I am able to translate all the languages of love, but I am more concerned with how you talk when adversity hits us. Will we get stronger, strengthen our relationship or fold and move on from each other? I know what I have committed to and for how long. The question I need answered is, are you in it for life and beyond as well? You can only find that out when you learn how your mate handles adversity with and without you.  These experiences also allow for people to understand how to "get the ear" of their loved one during adverse times. The dominant language may change during adversity or it may not even matter because they no longer listen and have shut down.

We live in a culture that divorce is okay. Commitment is short term. Long term doesn’t necessarily mean forever (why not say life term?). Words, actions and promises easily can be contradicted for the sake of living your best life. "YOLO" (You Only Live Once), "I’m doing me" or "I'm focusing on me" allows individuals to dismiss the importance of relationships and condones selfishness. Lying and cheating are okay and accepted as a norm. The idea of "hating" allows for people to feel better about their selfish actions.

Loving During Adversity allows you to analyze if a person you are interested in is actually going to be committed for life. With the way games are being played , a person can easily manipulate the 5 Love Languages and leave you confused. You can speak the languages of love without love, but adverse times shows whether love is present and how strong that love is.

Love never let you down, it was who you decided to love that let you down. Unfortunately, you have to understand how to differentiate love (shout out to my educators). Love comes with different levels. There are people you have to love from afar and those people are the ones you shouldn’t be in a committed relationship with. Loving During Adversity allows you to find your mate while protecting your heart during the process. Character and commitment are the cornerstone and life blood of a strong successful relationship. You shouldn’t fall in love with anyone until you understand how they handle adversity because adversity exposes not only your character but how committed they are to you.

lluv

Feel free to share your thoughts. I would love to discuss this further and please share if you agree.

0 Comments

12/30/2017

DON'T LET THE ILLUSIONS OF 2017 AFFECT YOUR PROGRESS IN 2018

0 Comments

Read Now

DON'T LET YOUR PAST FAILURES AND MISFORTUNES DEFINE YOUR FUTURE

As I watched the movie the Illusionist, I could not help but notice the similarities with the progress of my life and how being focused on the wrong things will have you feeling like you are sooooo right, but actually so wrong. The movie illustrates the power of truth versus illusion. It shows how powerful illusions can be and how difficult it can be to accept the truth. Which made me ask myself what illusions are affecting my growth and progress in my life? Not the obvious things, but illusions. What are the things that would be hard for me to accept that is holding me back from being closer to God, my family, building and maintaining relationships, being financially stable, and being more established in my career while walking within my purpose?

Since I decided to focus on this website and take the action to get closer to the Lord, my life has gotten better BUT I have had to deal with numerous trials. It seemed like whenever my nose got just above water, I had another situation push me right back down. Instead of naming the circumstances I have endured this year, fill in the blanks by naming the trials you have been through and what you have had to endure. Without personally knowing the adversity you have been through, I do understand that we all have been challenged. We all are experiencing life. Everyone has their own struggle and their own journey that they must endure and overcome. The Lord kept me strong and I did not complain throughout and I accepted every challenge with a smile, flipped the situations and over came them BUT I still messed up.

Although I was faithful and followed what I thought the Lord wanted me to do, I STOPPED focusing on the goals I had set for myself. So although, I was diligent in what God wanted me to do, I was not consistent in what God needed me to do in order to step into what He has for me. Where I should have been 10 steps closer, I was 20 steps behind (could this be an illusion).

How you ask? Although, I progressed it was not at the rate that I should have grown (a possible illusion). I read the Bible, but I have not finished reading the entire Bible. I built a stronger relationship with God, but it should be much stronger. I have a number of notes to share, but I should have much more and I have not consistently published (last blog was in May). My individual goals were not nurtured as consistent as it should have been. They were not priorities although they were a focus. My priority was to handle my trials instead of balancing the trials with my goals. This is where I need to be better. I need to be able to balance both and progress while I am in the storm in all areas of my life.

This is where we need to be better. When we are focused on making changes for the better, we will be challenged not with the will of completing goals but by balancing them with the trials and obstacles that are unforeseen. Successful people have the ability to not only handle the unforeseen but also BALANCE them with the goals they have set out to achieve.

Satan uses “life” to distract us. Life can be an illusion. There are things you wouldn’t necessarily attribute to being an obstacle but those are the things that get through when the obvious is noticed. Satan’s goal is not necessarily to keep you from obtaining your blessing, but to postpone them. He relishes when he can keep people from receiving their blessing, but he understands that postponing them is just as good.

Think about the Israelites journey to the promise land. They were going to get there BUT the trip took 40 years when it should have taken 11 days. Many missed their blessing while Caleb and Joshua had to wait despite being faithful when the majority was not. It was the circle they were associated with which caused them to wait to receive. What would have happened to Joshua and Caleb if they lost faith during the 40 years they had to wait for their blessing? How much different would Israel’s history be if the people who saw the Red Sea parted completed the journey to the promise land?

The focus of the negative is the illusion that can hold you back from your blessing. What could have been is a common illusion. It is an illusion that is hard to overcome depending on the situation because of your mindset, perspective and your focus. You can easily move on from a relationship, but a missed dream is something you are still dealing with. You are not able to get over a promotion you thought was yours, but you were able to move on from not pursuing a higher degree. It is a matter of perspective, which makes this illusion so tough to overcome. It is tough to overcome because this illusion is situational. Situational illusions can be the easiest to identify but the hardest to accept and change.

In Philippians 3:12-14 Paul writes a letter while in prison to encourage a church he helped create. In the letter he highlights that they have not arrived yet, to make sure their past does not define their future and to aggressively approach their future. He did all this while being in a storm. He was able to walk in his purpose and help others while in the midst of his own trial. Paul did not let his situation determine his actions. He would have written that letter regardless of what he was dealing with at the time.

Despite everything I have done, I have to use the 168 hours I am giving each week more efficiently and not allow myself to be distracted. I have to do better with balancing my goals with my career and handling what life brings while walking within my purpose. Being discouraged is no longer an issue for me; it is all about making sure I do not lengthen my journey to my promise. I need to understand that I maybe able to get to my blessing quicker through executing the correct plan, but also realizing regardless of what I do I still may have 40 years to wait.

Illusions seem complex but are actually very simple. The three illusions I have identified for myself are managing distractions, balance, and follow through. What are your illusions in your life? If your life were a magic trick, what would go unidentified or unnoticed if you did not know the trick? If you are not sure, think about your purpose and what is keeping you from it. Pray for enlightenment and once you receive the truth, accept, take action, adjust, and grow.

If you are like me I am sure you have had progress this year as well as mistakes and failures but have grown a lot this year. I have made some big strides towards my goals and walking within my purpose. I have identified a number of my mistakes and have developed a plan to ensure that I do not repeat my mistakes. Do not ignore the progress that you have made. Celebrate them. Do not let your failures overshadow your progress. If you feel like you have not progressed, you have identified an illusion.

Although this blog has a New Years resolution feel. It was written to help you assess your growth for not just 2018 but throughout life. Reread and assess your progress throughout the years. Remember as long as you consistently believe in God and work towards what He has for you a breakthrough will follow. It could be 11 days or 40 years or somewhere outside of that window, but it will come. Be patient while aggressively attacking your future while walking within your purpose.

In the comments feel free to share your illusions, struggles, progress and blessings to provide encouragement to others. Revisit and share with others of the blessings you gained during the year but never forget God has more in store for you.

VisualizeExecuteTransform

Happy New Year & God Bless

lluv

0 Comments

IS THERE ANOTHER LOVE LANGUAGE?

DON'T LET THE ILLUSIONS OF 2017 AFFECT YOUR PROGRESS IN 2018

Archives

Categories